the art of being happy (when you're not sure where you're going)

8 unwritten rules

Felt somewhat lost at certain points in 2024. Wrote some notes to self. Here’s a compilation. Happy New Year and cheers to many more happy moments in 2025.

(1) Stop hunting for your "one true path"

There probably isn't one perfect life for you. There are many possible versions of yourself and your life. And there are ways of making those different versions wonderfully perfect.

In one version, you're a stay-at-home mum to 3 beautiful kids in a home in the suburbs; dutiful wife to a husband in a corporate job.

In another version, you're a high-powered boss lady running an 8-figure company with a wonderfully rich social life and a beautiful home in Notting Hill.

In yet another version, you make less than 30k as a yoga teacher in Thailand sipping on coconuts and you're so happy you don’t even think about happiness.

All of these paths are possible.

It's liberating when you stop trying to "get it right" by sticking to one path as tightly as possible. And you can probably get far better results than you could have planned for if you stay open to the possibility of different paths.

Stop asking yourself "what do I want to be in 10 years?". Ask instead, "what do I want to grow into this year?"

(2) Trust your gut, then trust your choice

Given that there are multiple possible paths, at some point you need to commit to one to see results.

Commitment is the elimination of alternatives. When you commit to a place, a person, or a career, you're saying no to other possibilities. That's what makes it scary.

You tend get trapped in endless analysis, gathering opinions, sometimes even drawing decision trees. But the most important information for these big life decisions isn't found in data or other people's opinions - it's in your gut.

When you choose where to live, you can compare cost of living, job markets, weather patterns. But the most important factor is probably dead simple: where do you feel most alive? The same applies to relationships, careers, and most major life decisions.

Somehow, the hardest kind of education is really simple: learning to listen to yourself. To trust that quiet voice that says "this feels right" or "something's off here."

The challenge isn’t to gather more information - you can’t predict every possible outcome or wait for absolute certainty. It’s having the courage to listen to yourself and say “I commit to this because it feels right”

(3) Water where you've planted

Once you've decided on a path, a guarantee for unhappiness is ruminating whether you've made the right decision and whether your life would be better on another path. All those versions can be perfect.

So, once you've chosen a path: Don't fixate on whether you made the right choice. Your happiness depends more on what you do after you choose than on making the right choice.

When you commit to a path, you're not just making a choice - you're accepting the responsibility to nurture that choice. To water it. To help it grow. To make it flourish.

A marriage becomes beautiful not necessarily because it was the "perfect match" but because two people decided to keep choosing each other, every day.

A career becomes fulfilling not necessarily because it was the "right path" but because you poured yourself into mastering it.

A place becomes home not necessarily because it was the "ideal location" but because you built a life there.

Some people say the grass is greener on the other side. But the grass is always greenest where you water it.

So, stop asking "did I make the right decision?" Start asking "how can I make this decision right?"

(4) Trust the compass, not the map

Given that there are multiple paths to a wonderful life, knowing your exact destination isn't as important as moving in a direction that feels right.

You don't need a detailed map of every turn if you have a reliable compass. Your compass is how you feel about your life right now:

Do you feel happy and fulfilled doing what you're doing today?

Do these activities light you up inside?

Do you feel vital and alive?

These questions matter more than "Where will I be in five years?" or "What's my ultimate career goal?" They're your compass, telling you whether you're headed in a direction worth pursuing.

Some of the best journeys start with a general direction rather than a specific destination. Because it's hard to map out every turn when you don't yet know what opportunities, people, or passions you might discover along the way.

The destination will reveal itself as you walk (or so I’m told). For now, just make sure you're walking in a direction that feels right.

(5) Don't compare yourself to other people

This is such a cliché. But it's so so so important.

There are different modes of comparison. Comparison from a place of lack highlights what you don't have and is a recipe for unhappiness.

Comparison from a place of aspiration highlights what you could have and is an ingredient of motivation.

When you study how others succeeded not to feel bad about yourself, but to learn from their journey, you're turning comparison into education.

Next time you feel that familiar sting of comparison, ask yourself: "Am I looking at them to learn, or am I looking at them to prove I'm not enough?"

(6) Race against your past self, not other people

Okay, if you must. If you're really desperate to compare. compare yourself to who you were yesterday - not to other people's highlight reels. Make self-referential comparison the only kind of comparison in your dictionary.

This shifts the focus from external validation to internal growth.

• What have I learned since last month?

• How have I grown since last year?

• What challenges am I handling better now than before?

• What new skills have I developed?

The only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday. And unlike comparing yourself to others' highlight reels, this is a game you can actually win.

(7) Learn to love the waiting room

Life isn't a series of highlight reels - it's mostly spent in what feels like waiting rooms. Waiting for the promotion. Waiting to meet "the one." Waiting to finally feel like you've "made it." We treat these moments as transitional spaces, believing our real life is always about to begin, just around the next corner.

But this is it. This is real life - the Monday mornings, the traffic jams, the quiet cups of coffee, the small talk with colleagues, the load of laundry that needs folding, the dishes that need washing. The "waiting room" isn't the space between the important moments of your life; it is your life.

Happiness isn't about eliminating these ordinary moments or rushing through them to get to something better. It's about learning to find meaning in them. It's about understanding that the landscape of a life includes both peaks and valleys, and both deserve our attention.

If you're always waiting for life to start, you'll miss the life you're actually living.

(8) It's okay good to be sad, sometimes

We've somehow convinced ourselves that being happy means never being sad. That success means eliminating all negative emotions. That the goal is to be "positive" all the time.

The opposite of happiness isn't sadness. It's numbness. Apathy. When we try to not feel sad, we don't necessarily become happier - we become more numb.

Emotions are like a symphony. A symphony isn't beautiful because it's all bright, upbeat notes. It's beautiful because it contains both light and dark passages, both major and minor keys. The sorrowful moments make the joyful ones more profound. The tension makes the resolution more satisfying.

A life without sadness isn't a happier life - it's a shallower one. True happiness isn't about feeling good all the time; it's about feeling everything fully and finding meaning in all of it.